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A Sexualised Life Part 3 – Lies and Seductive Dangers!

One of the strange attractions of maintaining a sexualised existence, one can’t really call it a life, is the risk of being caught out by one of my lovers and/or my married partner (and I have had two wives).

At one point in the 1990s I had four sexual relationships going at the same time. Two in the Midlands where I worked in a leading university, one in Oxford and the legitimate one with my wife in Derbyshire.

In order to maintain them all it was necessary to lie to all four partners! This was made easier by the fact that I was away from home most weeks because my wife and I lived in Derbyshire where she worked at a school and I rented an apartment near to my Midlands university. Also the two university employees I was sleeping with worked in separate departments and neither of them in my department. Finally, a former London partner now lived in Oxford which was only 30 miles away!

However, in order to maintain these relationships I had to devote a great deal of energy into keeping my diary arranged in such a way that none of them ever saw me with another of my partners and that I always had a reason why I could be with them on certain nights.

To manage this I kept a diary which looked more like an MI6 kill list, or a police board after a murder had been committed with lines of string connecting photographs of the victims and possible suspects.

I also had two primitive mobile phones, one for my home life and the other for my three away from home relationships! Keeping hold of which phone I was answering and who was calling me was a nightmare at times.

But strangely these stresses were cancelled out by the frisson of danger that went with maintaining each relationship separately! I could even get a hard on as I was having a meal out with one of my illicit partners at the thought of bumping into another.

The closest I came was taking my Oxford based partner back to a midland rail station and seeing one of the university partners leaving in her car!

There is no doubt that the possibility of getting caught added to the sense of stolen passion I felt at the time! It was a kind of out of body sensation in which I wasn’t really there and someone else was playing me. Two of the women were submissives which made keeping them apart fairly easy, but the Oxford partner was dominant and also in considerable distress from a guy from London who was stalking her. So most of my spare energies went into attending to her issues.

She was the love of my life from 1980s London. A bisexual and dominant woman who I had had a ten year bedroom bondage Sub to Dom relationship, which ended in 1988, when she left me for a woman lawyer. I met my wife to be a few months later and we married in 1991 moving from London to Derbyshire in 1993 where I had a job at a Nottingham university and she at a Sheffield school. Later I moved to the leading university in the Midlands.

But in 1996 my world came crashing down because my Oxford partner committed suicide through depression. Now the dangers of discovery multiplied. I made a mistake with an email to a university colleague from home about the death of my Oxford lover and my wife found out what had been happening.

Some would call it poetic justice, and I would largely agree. I killed off my two university relationships and became monogamous for a while. My wife put me on probation and, since I still loved her, and still do, I became the faithful husband for as long as I possibly could, at least in the UK.

But at academic conferences in Europe and the US I was no more faithful than before. Still driven on my my reckless libido and the frisson of danger on which I was hooked.

This penchant for danger also extended into my working life! In my long sub retationship in London, part of my Dom’s needs and demands included dressing me in stockings and suspenders and other lingerie for bondage sessions and BDSM parties. At first it was part of her humiliation training, but I got to enjoy it as much as her.

She was deeply aroused at dressing and tying me in lingerie. As she used to say “David, I get the best of both worlds from you as a bisexual woman, beautiful female legs in stockings and suspenders and a real penis and male torso.”

After she died I was very angry with everything and almost everyone, including my university and especially it’s managerial elites. So I took to wearing silk panties under my trousers to important meetings, where the silk and the danger of being discovered gave me huge hard ons under the table.

On one occasion I wore a latex suspender belt and latex stockings under my trousers, along with the silk panties, which meant I had to walk and sit very carefully to prevent a rustling sound from latex rubbing against latex. But that was a one off as I felt more vulnerable than aroused.

But the real point is that the dangers and difficulties of maintaining my sexualised existence actually added to the attraction! I was hooked on the adrenaline rush of the very real fear of being found out, as much as on the testosterone one of having illigitimate multi-partner sex.

A Sexualised Life Part 2 – Rescued by my Erotic Arts.

In part one I recounted the basics of my sexualised life as a mixture of urgent need and particular sexual tastes.

In this second blog post I need to concentrate on how I have been able to control and live with this situation in recent years at least!

This is because for the first time in my life I have found an outlet for my sexual energies which allows me to keep the cravings at bay and function without the cravings dominating my life and relationships.

The answer has been my art, specifically my erotic art.

Since the early 2000s I have been creating digital erotic art and have discovered that if I pour all my sexual drives and fantasies into this art, the constant cravings become muted and I can, for the first time in my adult life, function in society as a relatively normal guy, without the need to view female company, or images of the female form as an urgent turn on.

It was a revelation to me as this process unfolded. It soon became apparent that there is, in fact, a higher and more powerful drive, or at least equally powerful drive, in me than my sexual cravings and my drive as an artist!

As my erotic art has developed and deepened, with a recent move to cross dressing as performance art, I have been able to more-or-less completely divert my sexual energy into celebrating the female form in erotic lingerie and bondage.

This does not mean that it is totally under control, of course. But it does mean that I am not driven by my sexual desires in the way I was before. I still seek sexual relationships with submissive women if they approach me, but I no longer allow my sexual self to dominate my mind in the way it did in the past.

As such my art has allowed me the most joyous period of my adult life, in which I am no longer under the control of my libedo most of the time! My art also brings great pleasure to others and to me it brings relief and an inner calmness that I have never known before.

And it has also deepened my self-knowledge, allowing me to see the reasons I became on thrall to my sexual drives and how they came close to destroying my life at times.

In my next blog post I will say more about art as a form of sexual therapy as I experience it and how the dangers of balancng multiple relationships added to the attractions.

Erotic English Guy

Memoir of a Sexualised Life – What Exactly is a Sexualised life?

I was 14 and pubity was starting. Not that I was aware of that concept. But from the moment my hormones kicked in I awoke every day with a raging hard on. No wet dreams were necessary. It just happened with no knowledge or stimulus. And it still does every morning.

This was the first sign of what was to become an extremely Sexualised life!

What is a Sexualised life?

In my case it has two main aspects!

The first part consists of a ceaseless background need to obtain sex almost every waking moment of my life, which becomes urgent the moment an attractive woman is anywhere close by, or I am viewing images of beautiful woman.

This may sound like a normal sex drive, which most people master and control in order to live the rest of their lives working and raising children. But believe me, or not as the case may be, my libedo is nothing like that of most people!

Mastering it would require turning off my entire mind-body pleasure seeking system. Believe me, I’ve spent my life trying and at times succeeding in doing that. But for every period of holding the libidinous line there has been an equal period of wreckless abandon when I have bent to my ‘nature’ and sought out sexual pleasures at almost any cost. To do otherwise would have driven me insane with lust.

Even when involved in exotic BDSM affairs, sometimes more than one at the same time, I still needed to masturbate at least twice a day, a dramatic sign of my over sexualised self. As I said, it’s my misery as well as my joy! But to get the joy, which is my compulsion, I have to experience the pain of being unfaithful and telling as many lies as the main character in Breaking Bad to cover my tracks.

The second aspect is best explained as an equally urgent response to erotic cloths, specifically latex, pvc silk, lace, and satin, and to forms of bondage restraint, both on me and by me on others. I get a huge sexual boost on top of my already highly libidinous system from women wearing lingerie and killer heels, or wearing these myself, as well as placed in hoods,w gags blindfolds and various forms of binding,leather especially leather, or latex straps, or satin ribbons.

Being bound by women, or binding women in sensual erotic clothing has been an urgent necessity for me to fully enjoy sex since I discovered the BDSM movement in London in my late 20s.

Adding these two features together, vis an urgent need to have sex, basically being permanently horny, with an equally urgent need to wear and be tied, or tie and gag my submissive women partners in a variety erotic materials, to which should be added a love of cross dressing, and you have my joy and misery as an extremely higly sexualised individual!

The ramifications of this for my two marriages have been truly awful as far as sexual fidelity are concerned!

In both cases I was and am a good husband, kind, loving, pleasant, caring and sharing all the burdens of married life together.

But sexually I have been serially unfaithful to both my wives with affairs with dozens of women, in the early years as a submissive, and in more recent years as a Dom Master.

That’s all for now much more to come!

Erotic English Guy

A Blog About My Highly Sexualised Life and How I Finally Controlled it Through My Erotic Art.

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new ‘Erotic English Guy’ blog.

My blog is about my life an erotic and BDSM artist and my life as a highly sexualised man.

I will display some of my erotic artworks and discuss the joys and costs of living such a life!

The most recent blog posts are at the top, so to read in sequence as they were posted go to the bottom of the posts list!

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