Can highly sexualised people like me experience genuine love? It’s a fair question.
At first sight it looks as if we can’t, because we can’t commit to monogamous relationships and cheat on our long and even short term partners in the process.
There will, of course, be sociopathic style sexualised, and non-sexualised individuals who can’t experience genuine love, or affection, and who view all relationships as transactional affairs tilted to their self interest alone, including the ones they experience with long term partners.
But I would describe myself as a man who loves too much.
I have adored and in various ways worshipped all the women I have been involved with in my long life. Describing the lusts and lies necessary to seek out and then balance multiple and side-by-side affairs, as described in my last post, is a bloodless way to describe what were all loving relationships on both sides, to various degrees.
Obviously very brief affairs and one-night-stands were not loving in this way and come under conditions of pure sexual gratification.
I almost always fell in love with the women who have bedded me regularly, and have always received some form of love in return. I am, I hope, a caring and attentive man as well as a caring and attentive lover.
But I am also a man of huge sexual lust and capacity who needs to move on from all my sexual relationships to satisfy my cravings.
So I’m not sexually faithful to any one person for any length of time above a few years, and often much less than that. But that does not preclude my loving my partners.
One of the proofs of love is surely how one feels when relationships end, usually in my case, but by no means always, by me.
In every case, except those that ended in mutual anger and recriminations, I have suffered from sensations of remorse, regret and loss and sometimes depression.
In addition, the act of betraying both my still-loved wives, has also caused me huge heartbreak throughout my life.
I bear many emotional scars from my philander lifestyle, many regrets and I have lost many many nights of sleep in an agony of loss, regret and anguish.
In many ways it’s a case of loving the one/s I’m with, truly, madly and deeply. Without that I couldn’t function as a caring lover at all. It may be a love of infatuation but it always feels genuine to me at the time.
My love making would be reduced to mechanical acts of self-gratification otherwise, in which case I might as well have pleasured myself in front of video pornography as far as I’m concerned. Or paid for prostitutes.
In fact, the sense of love I always feel when accompanying and pleasuring any partner I am in a relationship with, is the greatest afrodiziac of all for me.
They have all been my partner’s, my LOVEers, my world, in the stolen dangerous moments we have shared our bodies and minds in the boudoir together.
I have to love and like my partner’s, or there is no spark to create the necessary flame, beyond that of mutual gratification. And when that doesn’t happen I find a way to end the relationships quickly.
Great sex is always about making love, in the moment, and all about exploring new relationships, as well as new bodies, faces and sexual fantasies and tastes.
The huge down side to this is that as a nice, reliable, affectionate and loving guy, the urgent need to move on to another exciting and fresh relationship means being unfaithful both to my wives and to partners in existing affairs.
Has it always worked this way round?
Of course not! I may have broken a lot of women’s hearts, but some of my lovers have broken mine too, leaving me for other partners while I was still infatuated with them. In fact, my heart has been broken on several occasions in the most brutal fashion. If I wasn’t a guy who loves my partners this would never happen.
What is my conclusion?
That one should not mistake infidelity for lack of love. And that one should not necessarily associate it with an exploitative and care-free bastard personality.
I am a very emotional and loving guy. My problem is that I love too much, not too little and that my highly active sexual fantasies driven mind and libedo eventually push me to move on to another partner with all the damage and heartache that causes.
Is all this self- justification alone? I hope not, of course. There are elements of that for sure. But, in the end, that is for others to decide for themselves.
Some will say I lack moral fibre and should have curbed my sexualised side.
All I can say is it’s a pity we can’t swop bodies and personalities for six months, so that they could be me, to see just how difficult that task is.
I doubt many would want to hand my body back in order to regain moral certainty either!
In the end the huge highs I have experienced cancel out all the heartache and pain I have experienced and given my time again I know that I, as me, would do much the same with some changes at the margins.