Below is a poem written after the death by suicide in 1996 of Sarah, who was the love of my life and my sexusl teacher and guru.
The poem was written in 2002 when I finally realised just how great the impact of her death had been upon me.
It takes the form of of a man seeking to isolate my mind from the pain as expressed in computer jargon.
Like Kafka’s insect-man
I am morphing
Into a computer application
A cyberspace bug
Down loaded from the Web
I have taken myself off-line
Powered-down my systems
Compressed and stored myself in
Isolated myself from the motherboard
Disconnected myself from the server
Configured an auto-saved myself to an external drive
For safer transportation
Archived and backed-up
On standby only
I await a possible return to life
While my off-line status
Buffers me from the main programme
Repeated error messages
All my systems
Are not yet safely closed-down
Is my back-up program still operational?
Can I safely re-boot
From my master cache?
What are my on-line protocols?
Am I case sensitive?
And properly justified?
Am I still emotionally compatible
Or is my data corrupted
And liable to crash/
Until all data is saved to disk
It is now safe to turn off your computer”